


One Step in a Journey of a Thousand Miles

by Fireborn101



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family Dynamics, Family Healing, Gen, Mac the therapist uses they/them pronouns, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, Steven Universe Gets Therapy, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, Therapy, every adult in Steven's life has let him down, mac is inspired a lot by my therapist, parents taking responsibility for what they did to their child, sometimes your family messes you up and they didn't mean to, sorry James lol, this is deeply based in my personal experience with therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22489150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireborn101/pseuds/Fireborn101
Summary: One night Steven has a nightmare. Amethyst is there to help him through it and he finally accepts that there's something really wrong and he needs help. They speak to Greg who sets up Steven's first-ever therapy visit with Dr. Mac Tyler who is the local expert on treating trauma.A story about Steven learning that he has PTSD and what that means for him and his family and friends. Also a story about how Greg and the Crystal Gems realize that they've been treating Steven like he's an adult for far too long and how much that messed him up. Basically, everyone learns about trauma and everyone learns about what part they play in recovery. Everyone will probably go to therapy.This is very much a love letter to my own recovery <3
Relationships: Amethyst & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Crystal Gems & Steven Universe, Garnet & Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe, Pearl & Steven Universe, Steven Universe & Everyone
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	One Step in a Journey of a Thousand Miles

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in this fandom so please forgive me if I've committed any faux pas with this fic.  
> This is a story about trauma. This is a story about healing too and family. If you're triggered by discussions of trauma or therapy or difficult family discussions this is probably not the fic for you. I will list the trigger warnings in the notes at the bottom so you can go look at them if you want to.  
> The therapist Dr. Mac Tyler is heavily based on my own therapist and the therapy sessions are therefore based on my experiences in therapy as well as some research.

Steven woke up with a small shriek. He could still feel the impenetrable walls of his fear and isolation squeezing all of his friends together into one suffocating mass. In real life, Shep had been there to save them all but in his dream…

Steven scrubbed at his eyes desperately trying to dispel the nightmare. It didn't work.

Steven began to sob and with that, the flood gates opened and as he cried he was confronted with all of the terrible things had almost done in the last few months; all of the people he almost hurt or killed, he didn't even try to keep his crying quiet.

"Steven?" Amethyst asked from the base of the stairs, "Are you ok?! Oh, what am I even saying? Of course, you're not!"

Steven felt the bed shift as Amethyst sat down beside him and started to rub his back. She stayed there until his crying quieted and instead of sitting rigidly with his fits balled in the sheets he leaned against her as she held him.

"What's wrong Steven?" Amethyst asked quietly.

Steven was too exhausted to try and get out of this now. "I keep hurting people. There's something broken in me Amethyst. I thought everything would be better now that the war's over and the Diamonds aren't a threat anymore. But it's Not! It's not and I'm the one causing the problems! I don't know what to do!"

Amethyst wrapped her arms around him, she had to extend her form to do It, and pulled him close. "I don't know either Steven." She admitted quietly, "And I don't think Pearl or Garnet will either but maybe Greg will."

Steven sucked in a breath and muttered, "...but I don't want Dad to know about this…"

Amethyst shook him slightly, "Don't be dumb Steven. You used to tell Greg everything! What happened?"

Steven shrugged, "I don't know Amethyst...I guess I don't want him to worry. I kind of stopped telling him things after that thing with the rose quarts. He just...left."

"Oh." Amethyst said.

"Yeah."

"How about I'll stay here with you and we'll go visit Greg in the morning." Amethyst suggested before yawning, "I'm beat and you must be tired after all that crying."

"Yeah, that sounds good." Steven said as he settled back onto his back.

Amethyst scooted in beside him and soon they were both fast asleep.

===

Now that Steven wasn't in charge of Little Homeschool anymore he didn't have to wake up early, but the next morning he and Amethyst were both up and gone bright and early. As he drove Steven tried to think about what exactly he wanted to say to his dad, but every time he started to think of anything less positive than hey Dad! All he could think about was how sad it would make his dad.

"Hey dude, pull over." Amethyst's worried voice cut into his thoughts and he realized that he was breathing too fast and shallow and feeling lightheaded. Steven found a place to pull over and stop the car. Once it was in park he rested his head on his hands on the steering wheel and tried to calm his breathing. Amethyst rubbed his back and breathed with him and after a little bit, he was calm enough to drive the rest of the way to Greg's.

When they pulled up to Greg's car wash Greg Universe was just turning over his open sign and drinking his morning coffee. When he saw the car he jogged towards It.

"Hey! Steven!"

"Hi Dad." Steven said as he hopped out of the car.

Greg stopped an arms reach away with his hands on his son's shoulders.

Steven looked down and away from Greg.

"Are you ok?" Greg asked quietly, "What's wrong?"

Steven shook his head as his tears began to fall and then threw his arms around Greg and Greg pulled him close as he sobbed. Greg held his boy until his shirt was covered in Steven's tears and snot, Steven had always been a messy crier, and Steven calmed down enough to accept a tissue from Amethyst.

Steven looked up at Greg and smiled a little to show he was ok, "Dad, I think I need some help."

Greg nodded and put an arm around his shoulder, "Come on inside Stewball and we'll talk about it."

Steven nodded and reached for Amethyst, "Please come too."

"Okay." Amethyst flipped the sign to closed before she allowed the door to shut behind her.

===

They all sat together around the little car table Greg usually used to sit paperwork on. Steven slowly drank water from a paper cup and ate cold pizza from Greg’s mini-fridge. No one said anything until Steven put down the cup.

“D-Dad…” Steven started hesitantly shrinking back into himself a little.

Amethyst put her hand on his shoulder, “Take your time dude, but we’re both here for you.”

Greg nodded in agreement and wished that Steven was still small enough to fit in his lap.

“Dad.” Steven tried again, “Why did you leave me to deal with the Rose Quartz alone?”

Greg sighed and looked down into his hands silently for a moment before returning his gaze to his son, “I really blew that one didn’t I?” He asked with a little shake of his head, “I left because I panicked but that wasn’t fair to you at all. I’m sorry Steven.”

Steven sniffed. Amethyst squeezed his shoulder. “I feel so alone dad.” Steven admitted quietly, “I’m so alone and there’s no one there to help me because when I needed you and Garnet and Pearl none of you were there. And now I keep hurting people! And I don’t know how to stop it from happening! And I don’t want anyone to die!” Steven’s shoulders and voice shook with repressed sobs and he gripped the table as if that was the only thing keeping him from drifting off.

Greg reached across the table and placed his hands over Steven’s, “Steven, we’re going to figure this out together. I promise I won’t leave you alone this time.”

Steven looked into his father’s face and saw just how much he meant it. Greg would face a thousand Rose Quartzes who looked exactly like Steven’s mother without leaving Steven to look after things alone again.

“Okay dad.” Steven said simply. He suddenly felt a little less lonely as Greg and Amethyst both pulled him into a hug.

===

Steven and Connie lounged on the beach together a few days later when Greg called. Steven picked up the call and put it on speaker.

“Hi dad!”

“Hi Mr. Universe!”

“Hi Steven. Hi Connie. Steven I’m calling about that thing we talked about, are you ok if Connie listens?” “Yeah, I’d like her to. We’ve talked about it.” Steven responded.

Connie squeezed his hand in support.

“Ok. Steven I’ve made you an appointment tomorrow with a therapist who works with people who have PTSD and the issues that come with it.” Greg’s voice was a little tiny over the phone but after so long not hearing it Steven didn’t mind.

“Okay…” Steven said hesitantly, “Do you think they’ll be able to help me? I mean I don’t have PTSD right…?”

Connie shook her head, “I’m not a mental health professional, obviously, but given your experiences? I think PTSD is a very reasonable place to start.”

“Okay, I’ll go see them.” Steven agreed a little reluctantly.

“Dr. Tyler wants you to get a ride if you can since the first few appointments can be a bit rough and they don’t want you driving distracted.” Greg reported, “I’m happy to take you if you’re comfortable with that Stewball.”

Steven laughed at the nickname, “Sure dad. I’m happy for you to take me too.”

“Okay well, I’ll see you tomorrow a little before two in the afternoon. Love you, Steven.”

“Love you too dad and yeah see you tomorrow.” As the phone call disconnected both Steven and Connie noticed that Connie’s hand was still on Steven’s between the two of them, neither of them made any move to pull apart.

“Thanks for being here Connie.” Steven said quietly lacing his fingers with hers.

“I want to always be here with you Steven.” Connie responded giving his hand another squeeze, “You’re my best friend and I love you.”

Steven gave a little delighted laugh and rested his head on hers, “Yeah, me too.”

===

Steven sat in the waiting room between Connie and his dad listening to the clock tick as it got closer and closer to his appointment. Just as he was about to get up and walk around someone walked into the waiting room. Steven looked up into the smiling face of his therapist for the first time.

"Hi Steven. I'm Dr. Tyler but you can call me Mac." They offered their hand to Steven.

Steven stood up and took their hand and shook It, "Hi."

"Shall we get going?" Mac asked gesturing towards their office.

Steven nodded and followed Mac into their office. There were several places to sit in the office and Steven picked one in the corner facing the door. Mac sat down in their chair and smiled at Steven again, "That was your dad with you put there, Yeah?"

Steven nodded, "And my best friend Connie."

"Oh good! I'm glad they both came to support you today."

"Me too. So...um, how does this work?" Steven asked with some trepidation.

"Well today is going to work like this: I'm going to ask you some questions about yourself so I can get to know you and then I'll ask you about why you've come to therapy today and then after that we'll see where we're going next. How does that sound?" Mac asked meeting Steven's eyes.

"Yeah...that sounds good." Steven looked at his clasped hands.

"Okay. So Steven, tell me a little about yourself." Mac prompted.

"Well, I guess something that's really important about me is that I'm half Gem." Steven indicated the quartz? Diamond? Who knew. On his naval. "And my mom died? I guess? Giving birth to me. But she left behind some friends who cared a lot about her and they were always wanting me to be more like her but then we learned that she was probably a bad person and...and…" Steven's shoulders began to crawl close to his ears.

"Steven. Hey, it's ok. Take some deep breaths. Plant your feet firmly on the ground and feel the floor.” Mac instructed firmly.

Steven did as he was told and soon he felt normal again.

“Steven, is what just happened common in your life right now?” Mac asked softly once they were sure Steven was calm again.

“Yeah, I guess? I have...well Connie says they’re panic attacks? I have a panic attack every couple weeks but sometimes they’ve been every few days?” Steven looked at Mac not sure what he wanted to see in the therapist.

Mac kept their face calm, “Okay that’s good to know. How about you tell me a little about your friend Connie? How long have you known her?”

Steven took a deep breath and began to tell Mac about how he met Connie. Mac took notes as Steven spoke about Connie and her family and the Gems and Greg’s attempts to appear the be a nuclear family instead of a single dad and three weird aunts. He talked about Connie learning to fight and how he had been so scared when she started to see him as someone to follow instead of a friend. Eventually, Steven told Mac about how much he had hurt Connie by going into space and then their clumsy attempts to give each other space that only led to hurt.

After some time, Mac interjected into Steven’s story, “I’m so glad that you two have each other. Having people who we can love and trust like that is so important. Our appointment will be over soon so I’m afraid that I have to stop you there and we have some things that we still have to discuss before my next appointment.”

Steven nodded.

“So Steven, it sounds like it has been an eventful few years. What has you coming to therapy today?” Mac prompted gently.

“I keep hurting people with my magic powers.” Steven muttered worried that despite Mac’s reactions to everything that he had said before they wouldn’t believe him.

“Yes, your father spoke to me about that. Steven, I think that you would benefit from a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT, I believe that it will be very helpful for you to get some tools that will help you learn to be calm and not be continually traumatized in stressful situations. How does that sound?”

“I guess it sounds ok? How does CB...T? Work?” Steven asked.

Mac nodded at the question, “It works like this: every week you’ll come here and we’ll talk about what happened both in that week and in the past. I’ll give you some tools that will help you deal with your daily stressors and that will help any time you feel a trauma episode coming on. Eventually, you will, hopefully, be able to regulate your emotions and curb your fears and live with your trauma instead of fighting against all of it every day.”

“Okay...that sounds like it might help.” Steven responded a little hesitant but hopeful.

“You told me that when you and Connie struggled with feelings of guilt in hurting people accidentally Garnet taught you to look within yourselves and find some peace. We’re going to build on that idea today. I want you to sit forward in your chair and close your eyes with your hands resting on your knees. Good. I want you to picture those butterflies like things you mentioned. What are they doing right now?”

“They’re sitting quietly.”

“Good. This is what it feels like to be calm. When you feel scared or angry this next week I want you to close your eyes and breathe and try to enter this calm place in your mind. Ok?” Mac prompted.

“Yeah, I think I can do that.”

“It’s ok if it takes many tries to be successful. Healing takes time Steven and you’ve been through more in the last few years than many people deal with in their lifetimes. Be gentle with yourself especially when you’re trying new things after our sessions.”

“Ok, I will. Thank you, Mac.” Steven opened his eyes and smiled a little at Mac. He felt like a pressure around his chest that he hadn’t even noticed in years had lifted a bit. “You’re welcome, Steven.” Mac and Steven both stood up and they walked Steven out of their office back to Dad and Connie.

“See you next week Steven.”

“Yeah, thanks Mac.”

Mac smiled, “You’re welcome Steven.” And then they turned and walked back into their office.

“Can I give you a hug?” Connie asked.

Steven turned to her. He looked like he had been crying but some of the tension had drained from his face and he smiled and held out his arms, “Yes, please. I’d like that.”

Connie hugged him and Greg hugged them both before leading them out to the van.

“Do you want to go for milkshakes?” Greg asked once everyone was buckled in.

“Yes please!” Steven exclaimed.

“Yeah! Thanks!” Connie joined him delightedly.

Greg smiled as he pulled onto the road towards the boardwalk and ice cream. Everything was going to be okay, eventually. At least, for now, his son wanted ice cream and for the first time in months, he didn’t look like he was seconds from passing out.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: nightmares, claustrophobic conditions, self-blame, brief discussions of feeling broken, light parental abandonment, non-graphic descriptions on panic attacks, PTSD, therapy.


End file.
